What Is the ‘Let Them’ Concept? All In regards to the Viral Self-Assist Motto

Mel Robbins’ “allow them to” concept has taken over the web.

The self-help guru first launched the idea on her TikTok web page in a sequence of movies, lots of which have gone viral. The idea is centered round releasing management and easily letting others do what they may — which a number of TikTok customers have deemed “life altering.”

In December 2024, Robbins launched a guide that dove additional into the subject, The Let Them Concept: A Life Altering Software That Thousands and thousands of Individuals Can’t Cease Speaking About. Following its launch, the guide topped a number of charts, turning into a no. 1 New York Instances, Sunday Instances and Amazon bestseller, and likewise reaching Oprah Every day’s listing of “The Greatest Self-Assist Books for Private Development in 2025.”

Now, hundreds of movies underneath the hashtag “allow them to concept” have popped up on TikTok, with many customers explaining the way it helped enhance their every day lives. Whereas one creator mentioned it made her a “higher nurse,” one other credited it with making her life extra “peaceable.”

So, what precisely is the “allow them to” concept? Here is all the things to find out about Mel Robbin’s motto that has taken over the web.

What’s the “allow them to” concept?

The “allow them to” concept has to do with releasing controlling behaviors and ideas by merely telling your self, “Allow them to.”

“Once you ‘allow them to’ do no matter it’s that they need to do, it creates extra management and emotional peace for you and a greater relationship with the folks in your life,” her web site reads.

Whereas it is marketed as a two-word motto, Robbins defined throughout a January 2025 interview on the In the present day present that the second half — “let me” — is definitely a very powerful.

“Let me remind myself that I all the time have energy,” the podcaster defined, including that individuals ought to bear in mind their ideas and actions are of their management.

“Let me remind myself that it doesn’t matter what’s taking place on the market, I get to decide on what’s value my time,” Robbins mentioned. “I get to decide on what’s value my vitality.”

How did Mel Robbins uncover the “allow them to” concept?

Throughout a January 2025 look on Katie Couric’s podcast, Robbins shared that she found the “allow them to” concept whereas at her son Oakley’s highschool pre-prom celebration, describing herself as being “your typical psycho, micro-managing mom, from the corsage to the tux to the sneakers to the this to the that.”

It began pouring rain throughout the pre-prom celebration, and Robbins discovered herself stressing about all the things from transportation to the place they might eat dinner earlier than the occasion.

“I am beginning to really feel that wave of panic hit as I am looking for a reservation, and we’re making an attempt to get 20 children to not run out right into a rainstorm and simply destroy their hair and their clothes and their sneakers,” she mentioned.

That is when her daughter “[saw] it coming” and grabbed Robbins’ arm to say, “Mother, you are being annoying. In the event that they wanna go to the taco stand, allow them to. In the event that they wanna be within the pouring rain, allow them to … It is their promenade, not yours, allow them to.”

“That remaining ‘allow them to’ was like a sledgehammer,” she mentioned. “Hastily my shoulders simply dropped, and I assumed, ‘Allow them to. Like, why do I care?’ Why am I not occupied with the place I’ll dinner?’ ”

From there on, she started to use the “allow them to” concept to her every day life. After one week, she realized she had “by no means felt this peaceable.”

Whereas on the In the present day present, Robbins defined that she did not essentially derive the idea on her personal, because it has “roots in issues that individuals have cared about for a very long time,” together with Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, Buddhism, detachment concept and radical acceptance.

“However once you say ‘allow them to,’ you are really taking all of that energy and knowledge and making use of it as a device in trendy life,” the creator mentioned.

How do you utilize the “allow them to” concept?

Making use of a brand new mindset to your life might be simpler mentioned than achieved. So, how precisely do you utilize the “allow them to” concept? First, you observe detachment.

Throughout a Could 2023 episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, the self-help guru first defined how the “allow them to” concept can be utilized to “detach your self from the emotional or psychological battle that you just get your self into once you’re occupied with both what different persons are doing, or how issues must be going.”

“If United Airways desires to board from the again of the airplane, allow them to,” she mentioned. “Who cares that you just paid further for further legroom? You are still going to get it.”

The creator then defined the second means to make use of the idea is to let folks fail, saying, “You’ve got gotta give folks the room to develop, the room to be taught and the room to take private duty for one thing of their life.”

In case your little one forgets to submit an utility by a deadline? Allow them to neglect. “They wanted to be taught that lesson,” she mentioned.

The third utility of the idea is letting folks be themselves.

“Once you let any individual simply be who they really are, and also you cease making an attempt to make them one thing else, you understand in so many friendships and so many relationships, you really are in love with their potential,” she defined. “Once you let any individual be who they really are … it means that you can perceive who you are really coping with.”

Robbins additionally utilized this strategy to parenthood, saying, “If [your child has] pursuits that you do not like, like video video games or theater or some sport you’ve got by no means performed … allow them to specific themselves.”

“When you do not allow them to pursue their particular person passions, you’re suffocating them, and also you’re telling them that who they’re at their core shouldn’t be okay,” she continued.

When does the “allow them to” concept not apply?

Whereas Robbins strongly advocates that everybody embraces the “allow them to” concept, she has been vocal in regards to the three caveats concerning when to not use it.

The primary disclaimer she gave throughout her podcast is that the “allow them to” concept shouldn’t be used if “somebody is doing one thing harmful, or they’re discriminating in opposition to you.”

“Don’t allow them to try this,” she mentioned earlier than including some examples: “When you’ve acquired a buddy or a member of the family that is had a few drinks, do not allow them to get behind the wheel of a automotive. That is not a time to drop the oars and simply glide.”

“When you see somebody harassing somebody or discriminating in opposition to somebody, communicate up. You do not simply let that occur,” Robbins added.

The subsequent caveat was that the idea should not forestall you from asking for one thing or advocating in your personal rights. For instance, with regards to negotiating a wage, “don’t simply let the primary provide be what you settle for,” she mentioned. “Don’t let any individual simply determine these issues. You gotta step up and take management in that scenario.”

Robbins’ third exception to the idea is that if somebody repeatedly crosses your boundary, you should not simply enable them to “stroll throughout you want a doormat.”

Relating to parenthood, she defined that it is vital to not allow your children to blow off college, skip their homework or not assist out round the home.

“Your job as a mother or father is to place up guardrails, so preserve doing it,” she defined.

How is the general public reacting to the “allow them to” concept?

Ever for the reason that “allow them to” concept went viral on-line, social media customers have had blended evaluations.

One person posted a video saying that embracing the mantra “utterly modified [her] life.”

Many others have echoed the sentiment: “I feel one of the best factor I’ve ever integrated into my life is the ‘allow them to’ concept by Mel Robbins … chef’s kiss. This girl is a genius, and it has really modified my life,” one other person mentioned.

In the meantime, one other person shared her “scorching take,” saying that the “allow them to” concept is “so poisonous.”

“It offers an excuse to the individuals who do not know easy methods to talk their issues and points with different folks,” she mentioned, including that you just “cannot simply let go of individuals” since you “do not feel like speaking with them.”

“It’s a must to give them a chance to alter,” the person continued, clarifying that she is speaking about “minor” pal obstacles.