Abby Howard Reveals Why She Deleted TikTok as a Mother (Unique)

Abby and Matt Howard have garnered a following of over 5.3 million folks on TikTok. Their movies about married life and younger parenthood fluctuate between comical skits and trustworthy reflections. The duo, each 26, additionally open up on their Unplanned Podcast, the place they talk about scorching matters and interview fellow stars.

Whereas elevating their sons Griffin, 2, and August, 1, the Howards have continued to develop their on-line neighborhood, navigating the backlash and negativity that comes with the job of content material creation. Over a 12 months in the past, Abby discovered herself scrolling mindlessly on TikTok at instances when she may’ve been spending time along with her household. She made the choice to delete the app and defer posting obligations to her workforce of workers.

Even though she and Matt’s main earnings sources are from social media, Abby says she would not in any respect remorse eradicating TikTok from her cellphone. In her personal phrases — as instructed to PEOPLE’s Zoey Lyttle — the influencer explains how she’s develop into a greater individual and mom due to it.

I deleted TikTok as a client, not as a creator, but it surely’s positively been a further bonus not seeing hateful issues about myself in my very own remark sections. 

It’s additionally good to not come throughout movies about me made by different creators (whom I’ve by no means met) which might be affected by misunderstandings, hatefulness and downright lies. Nothing can put together you for the bounce scare that occurs once you’re scrolling in your personal leisure solely to see a video devoted to casting a unfavourable mild on you as an individual.

These would possibly’ve pushed the needle in the direction of deleting TikTok off my cellphone, however my primary motivation was easy: scrolling TikTok was not making me a greater individual. I scrolled after I was feeling my worst, and after I used to be accomplished utilizing the app, I often felt even worse than earlier than. That was a cycle I wished to interrupt.

Wanting again, I believe TikTok made me much less current as a mother, too. I might open it up and scroll with out even consciously deciding it was a superb time for leisure. There have been instances that I might lookup and marvel what my sons had been seeing; they had been seeing their mother staring down at her cellphone at instances once we may very well be making recollections collectively.

Don’t get me improper — I can admit my children positively see me on my cellphone. I simply need to be very aware of limiting these moments, and taking senseless scrolling out of the image helped alleviate these emotions of guilt and unhappiness.

I had some fears about deleting TikTok, the place my husband Matt and I’ve constructed up a following. Personally, I don’t actually resonate with “fame,” however my involvement as a creator on the app made it troublesome to take it off my cellphone. It’s no secret {that a} main a part of our earnings comes from social platforms, and most significantly, I’m obsessed with what we do. I’ve an actual connection to our viewers. 

Deleting the app nearly felt improper and just a little irresponsible too, so I needed to plan it out. I do know New 12 months’s Resolutions can sound hokey or lame, however I wanted a set date to maintain myself accountable and see it by means of. I additionally wanted a while to plan all of it out and get my techniques to be able to be certain that we may nonetheless share content material with the folks about whom I care a lot. I simply didn’t need to be the one to bodily faucet the “share” button when that content material was prepared.

I’ve not had the app on my cellphone since New 12 months’s Eve 2023. The one TikToks I see are my very own, or if my mates need to share one with me, they’ll go the additional mile and obtain it to ship over textual content. Apart from that, I’ve no direct interplay with the app. I really feel very, very grateful to have the assistance of a trusted workforce who posts my content material for me.

Right here’s a behind-the-scenes take a look at what it’s prefer to be a TikToker with out TikTok entry: I give you the idea for a video, after which I movie what I take into account on my own. I ship my editor the thought for my idea, the footage and an overview of the story I need to inform. My editor compiles all of it collectively, and we shuttle just a little to verify the imaginative and prescient is true. That closing, permitted video then will get despatched to our worker, who posts it on my behalf.

My husband has been nothing however supportive and inspiring concerning my choice to eliminate TikTok. He’s happy with me and the way in which I reclaimed autonomy over my time. I’ve to offer him a lot credit score for the methods he’s rooted me on and in the end made this attainable. Since we create content material as a duo, he’s needed to modify in his personal methods, however I couldn’t be extra grateful for his help. 

If it seems like I’ve any animosity in the direction of TikTok itself, I guarantee you that couldn’t be farther from the reality. I give that platform a lot of the credit score for permitting us to do what we do at present. Even past that, we’ve met so many actually unbelievable folks by means of the app, and what I’m extra grateful for are the ladies and mothers who’ve seen my content material — particularly my realest moments of vulnerability — and felt some type of connection. 

We’ve grown a neighborhood that embraces the tougher elements of latest parenthood and encourages each other by means of it. Sure, some viewers have misunderstood our message, however the reward that these ladies have been to me is way better than any drama. 

If not for social media, I wouldn’t have met these folks, a few of whom I get to name my shut private mates. Critically, these are ladies I’m elevating my children round, the kind of mates that I can name in the course of the evening if my child isn’t feeling nicely and I’m not positive what to do. They’re the kind of mates that can drop off a meal when life will get loopy and even simply be part of you for a visit to Costco.

Isn’t that such a fantastic factor? When social media actually does deliver folks collectively? 

I do know firsthand how that isn’t at all times the facet of it that we expertise. A part of me feels that some adjustments may very well be made to make platforms much less poisonous, however on the finish of the day, I believe social media is only a reflection of the folks utilizing it. Tweaking an app received’t clear up the difficulty of sure folks utilizing it to tear others down. On the finish of the day, folks must take accountability for the hate they provide and handle the true cause they’re inclined to deal with others that method.

All that to reiterate that I didn’t delete TikTok as a creator. Taking it off my cellphone received’t change the way in which folks react to my content material. I deleted TikTok as a client, nevertheless generally — albeit very not often — I really feel at an obstacle as a creator with out the app.

In some cases, there have been misunderstandings or simply straight-up rumors and lies that circulated about me on TikTok, and I had no concept what was happening. I used to be simply dwelling unbothered and utterly unaware, however to the viewers, my silence seemed like avoidance. And that avoidance was perceived as guilt, when in actuality I merely don’t have a solution to faucet into the newest dialog.

These moments are defeating, however I attempt to remind myself that there’s a a lot larger objective with being inactive in that capability. I’m doing this for me, for my wellbeing and to be a greater mother or father, and I’ve not turned again.

Candidly, I’m not the trendiest individual on the subject of social media. I’m falling behind on the slang, and I’m in all probability the final to know the gossip. As time goes on, I take part in fewer and fewer viral traits, however on the intense facet, it helps me take into consideration what sort of content material evokes me personally. Developments could be a useful gizmo to develop your viewers, however at this level, I really feel content material with our attain. I’m targeted on cultivating the wholesome relationship I have already got with my present viewers.

The time spent off my cellphone has certainly made me extra current as a mother, simply as I figured it will. Any mother or father goes to battle with distractions, so I simply determined to be extraordinarily considered about what I used to be permitting these distractions to be. If it’s not one thing my children can take part in or be taught one thing from, then I actually take into account letting it go.

Scrolling on TikTok just isn’t one thing I need to mannequin for my children, however I do need them to see me cook dinner and put together a meal, and possibly even invite them to assist in the method. I would like my sons to see me hanging out with mates and happening dates with their dad in order that they will be taught to worth relationships and neighborhood, particularly “in-person” ones.

Plus, I nonetheless work! I’m nonetheless a giant a part of the method of making and sharing content material, and it’s necessary my children can see that too. Sure, they’re at all times my precedence, however they need to additionally know Mother takes satisfaction in her monetary contribution to our family. 

I’ve heard it stated that responsible mothers make for confused kids, so I do the work I must, however I do it as effectively as attainable. That’s why there’s somebody on the different finish of the enhancing course of to press “publish” on TikTok.

In some ways, the identical can apply to oldsters whose jobs aren’t based mostly on social media. At the moment, all of us have telephones. We’re all anticipated to be reachable at nearly any time of day. However we management the cellphone — it doesn’t management us. Each individual ought to suppose critically about how they use their time as a result of time is treasured. It’s one thing you may’t purchase with cash, and nothing has made me view time so preciously as elevating kids.